"Wilt not thou possess that which Chemosh thy god giveth thee to possess? So whomsoever the LORD our God shall drive out from before us, them will we possess."
The king dismisses these counterarguments. Jephtah assembles the army of Israel to defeat the Ammonites, and vows to sacrifice the first thing that comes out of his house to greet him if the LORD will deliver the Ammonites into his hands. The LORD delivers, and the Ammonites are slain in twenty cities. Jubilant, Jephtah returns home.
Then his daughter, who is his only child bounds out of his front door to greet him.
Irony: It strikes when you least suspect it.
Jephtah informs his daughter of his vow, and his daughter asks him for two months to bewail her virginity. Two months later, she returns, knowing no man. Jephtah fulfills his vow, and it becomes custom for the women of Israel to lament her death, four days every year.
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter
12: The Ephraimites are annoyed that they didn't join in the party, and tell Jephtah that they'll burn his house with fire. Jephtah calls them out, saying they didn't offer help in the first place. He leads the men of Gilead against the men of Ephraim, and wins. All Ephraimites are made refugees and fugitives after this event.
In order to detect Ephraimite fugitives, whenever a man crossed the Jordan, Gileadites would ask him to speak the word "Shibboleth". Since the men of Ephraim did not have the "sh" sound in their phonics, it comes out as "Sibboleth". Once they failed to pronounce this word, the Gileadites would kill him. 42,000 Ephraimites die this way. (This is where the term "Shibboleth", a marker of cultural difference, comes from.)
Jephtah reigns as Judge of Israel for 6 years. Then he dies. Ibzan of Bethlehem takes over, and had 30 sons and 30 daughters, and judges Israel for 7 years. Then he dies. Elon, a Zebulonite, judges Israel for 10 years. Then he dies. Abdon the son of Hillel, a Pirathonite, judges Israel for 8 years and has 70 sons and nephews and as many ass colts. Then he dies.
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter + 42,000 Ephraimites
13: One more time! The Israelites started sinning again, so the LORD sells them out to Philistines for 40 years. An angel visits the wife of a man called Manoah, who is an infertile woman and tells her she will conceive a mighty son. The angel tells her she must eat nothing impure and to never shave her son's head.
Manoah and his wife offer the angel food, not realising he's an angel. The angel tells them to make a burnt offering, and the angel ascends with the smoke. Manoah panics, saying that they will surely die as they have seen the LORD. His wife tells him to chill out, considering that the LORD accepted their sacrifice, and told them of things to come. Soon afterwards, Samson is born, and the LORD shuffles him between Zorah and Eshtoal.
14: Samson sees a Philistine woman and tells his mom and dad that he wants her. They ask him to reconsider marrying a daughter of the uncircumcised foes of Israel. In face, the LORD has induced this, in order to create a casus belli for the Israelis to battle their Philistine oppressors. Samson and family go down to a vineyard, but Samson, temporarily separated from the rest, meets a lion. He tears that feline mofo to pieces.
Chuck Norris has nothing on this guy.
One has to wonder if that was therapeutic. Anyway, he finds that the Philistine girl is in fact to his liking. After that, he goes on his way home to find that some bees have made a hive in the lion's distended carcass. So he picks it up and shares the honey with mom and dad, quite understandably not telling them the provenance of said honey. The day of the wedding feast arrives, and Samson riddles his guests (i.e. his bride's kinsmen), betting fine clothes:
"And he said unto them, Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness."
If you've been paying attention, this points at the hive in the lion's corpse. His guests are stumped and plead with Samson's wife to get the answer out from him before the deadline of 7 days. She pleads and begs Samson to tell her, and this Samson does eventually. A week later, the guests tell Samson the correct answer. Samson knows where they got the answer from, but is a man of his word. So he goes and kills 30 people for their clothes.
Yes, seriously:
"And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men of them, and took their spoil, and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle."
After that, his would-be wife is instead wed to the best man. Moral of the story: don't wear fine clothes in Ashkelon. This cannot end well.
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter + 42,000 Ephraimites + 30 Askhelon men
15: One day Samson turns up with a kid goat and goes to his wife's house, saying that he wants to know* her. Her dad says that she's already been given to the best man, as Samson seemed to indicate that he hated her for what she'd done at the wedding feast, and instead offers her younger sister.
*Biblically, naturally.
Samson exacts his vengeance by tying a brand between 150 pairs of foxes' tails and setting them free in the cornfields of the Philistines, committing arson. The Philistines are really ticked off and set forth to punish Samson, and they proceed to burn his wife and father-in-law (both Philistines), with fire. Samson smites them hip and thigh and goes to brood on a rock called Elam.
The Philistines set camp in the Jewish towns, ready to arrest and kill Samson. The Israelites, fearful for themselves, bind Samson (willingly) and take him to meet the Philistines. Once there, he hulks out and breaks out of his bonds, finds the jawbone of a donkey, and kills 1000 Philistines with it in one day. He calls the place Ramathlehi, and the LORD opens a spring to quench his parched throat. Samson rules as Judge of Israel for 20 years.
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter + 42,000 Ephraimites + 30 Askhelon men + Samson's wife + Samson's father-in-law + 1,000 Philistines
16: Samson goes to a brothel in Gaza and comes to know a harlot. The people of Gaza plan to ambush him in the morning, but he gets up at midnight and leaves Gaza, taking the city gates with him. He plants them on a hill and heads off to elsewhere. This might sound like hyperbole, but remember this is a guy who's torn a lion apart and killed 1,000 men with a jawbone.
Anyway, he then comes to know a woman called Delilah. Some people might already know what's going to happen next. The Philistines tell her to go find what Samson's weakness is. Samson suggests several like seven green withs, seven unused ropes and weaving his hair. None of these work, of course, and Delilah pesters and pesters and pesters and pesters and pesters and pesters Samson until one day he's really had enough:
"That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man."
I don't know about Samson, but if one's mate keeps asking about one's weakness, one should seriously reconsider one's relationship. Anyway, when he sleeps, Delilah shaves his head, and when the Philistines come to arrest him, great Samson's strength fails him. The Philistines blind him and force him to push a grindstone. However, his hair starts growing again.
Thus it was that in one night of merriment, one Philistine suggests bringing Samson out to entertain them. Samson stumbles about and asks to be led to two big pillars. Once there, he beseeches the LORD:
"O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes!"
With that, with a renewed strength coursing in his veins, Samson grabs the two pillars and brings them crashing down, along with the roof, on the heads of 3,000 partying Philistines, crying one last boast as he does so:
"Let me die with the Philistines!"
Thus did the life of Samson end. His body was interred near the grave of his father Manoah.
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter + 42,000 Ephraimites + 30 Askhelon men + Samson's wife + Samson's father-in-law + 4,000 Philistines
17: Micah, a man from Mount Ephraim regains 11,ooo lost shekels, and his mother uses them to make a molten and graven image of the LORD. Micah constructs a temple and consecrates his son as a priest. There is no king in Israel and every man did what he thought was right. A Levite goes to the hill country and Micah makes him a priest, thinking the LORD will look upon him favorably for his affirmative action policy.
18: The tribe of Dan go forth to seek their inheritance, which hitherto now they have not gotten. They reach Mt. Ephraim, where the Levite priest tells them the LORD will be with them regardless of what action they take. Emboldened by this, upon discovering the land of the Laish, a peaceful people, make plans to invade.
As the 600 troops they assemble pass the temple once more, they salute the Levite priest, and tempt him to take the idols out and serve not Micah but the tribe of Dan. The priest jumps at this opportunity and grabs the idols and follows the war party. Micah, upon discovering this, rushes out and tries to get his idols back. The men of Dan threaten him unsubtly:
"Let not thy voice be heard among us, lest angry fellows run upon thee, and thou lose thy life, with the lives of thy household."
Micah retreats, defeated. The war party demolish the Laish, and there is no rescue for the Laish, for they are far from their capitals. The idols are set up and the land is renamed Dan. Jonathan, son of Gershom and his sons become priests of the land.
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter + 42,000 Ephraimites + 30 Askhelon men + Samson's wife + Samson's father-in-law + 4,000 Philistines + the Laish
19: We move on to another story, where a man is living unhappily with his concubine. The concubine leaves him and returns to her father's house for 4 months. The man goes forth to get her back, but her dad keeps convincing him to stay for a meal...then the afternoon...then the night, and so forth for 3 days. The man, his servant and his concubine leave at midnight on the 4th day, and stops at Gibeah (and not at Jebus, for it is a foreign land.)
There is no house open when they arrive, and they rest in the city square. An old man soon rushes by and tells them not to stay there, quickly taking them into his house. The reason is made clear soon: a gang of sons of Belial start pounding on the door, demanding that the newly-arrived men be turned to them, so that they may know them. The concubine is thrown outside to appease the mob.
The next morning, her corpse is found on the porch of the house, her hands on the threshold. The man, after failing to rouse her, cuts the cadaver up and sends pieces to all Israel.
"And it was so, that all that saw it said, There was no such deed done nor seen from the day that the children of Israel came up out of the land of Egypt unto this day: consider of it, take advice, and speak your minds."
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter + 42,000 Ephraimites + 30 Askhelon men + Samson's wife + Samson's father-in-law + 4,000 Philistines + the Laish + Concubine
20: The elders of Israel confront the man, demanding to know who perpetrated this crime. The man explains the situation to the leaders, who immediately pledge "ten men of an hundred throughout all the tribes of Israel, and an hundred of a thousand, and a thousand out of ten thousand" to punish the men of Gibeah who have committed this deed.
However, when told to deliver these men, the Benjaminites of Gibeah step forth to defend their kinsmen, raising an army of 26,000 men along with 7,000 men of Gibeah, skilled with the sling. The LORD tells the rest of the tribes that Judah shall strike first (much like Judges 1). They encounter difficulties at first, losing 40,000 men, but the LORD tells them to go on.
On the third day, though, the Benjaminites, after initially slaying about 30 Israelites, lose 25,100 troops in battle after they get ambushed and must retreat. 600 of them take refuge across the desert, in the rock of Rimmon, and stay there for four months. The rest of the Israelites put the Benjaminite lands to the sword and fire. But this isn't the end of this sordid tale.
BODY COUNT: Several Canaanite cities + Adonbezek + Bethel - Traitor - his family + Eglon + 10,000 Moabites + 600 Philistines + 900 charioteers + Sisera + Jabin + More Canaanites + 120,000 Midanites + Oreb + Zeeb + Zebah + Zalmunna + 69 Sons of Gideon + Zebul + Abimelech + Ammonites + Jephtah's daughter + 42,000 Ephraimites + 30 Askhelon men + Samson's wife + Samson's father-in-law + 4,000 Philistines + the Laish + 40,030 Israelites + 25,100 Benjaminites
21: The men of Israel swear to never wed their wives to any Benjaminites. They plead with the LORD for an explanation of why Israel lacks one tribe. When they decide to go make peace offerings, it is discovered that the tribe of Jabesh-Gilead is absent. The Israelites destroy Jabesh-Gilead and take their virgins as peace offerings for the exiled Benjaminites. But there aren't enough.
They then suggest that the Benjaminites lie in wait during a feast where the girls of Shiloh participate, and kidnap them and take them as their wives. This suggestion is acted upon, and soon enough there are enough wives for the Benjaminites.
"And the children of Israel departed thence at that time, every man to his tribe and to his family, and they went out from thence every man to his inheritance.
In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes."
Amen.
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FINAL RECKONING:
So, in the end, which of these two books of the Bible is "better"? Both of these, of course, provide key insights into the early history of the Jews, and while neither is as famous as say, Genesis, Revelation (no S), or the Gospels, there are nonetheless many famous incidents in both books. These include the walls of Jericho falling and the sun stopping in the sky for Joshua, and most of Samson's life in Judges.
The Book of Judges and Joshua are both very violent, as can be seen in the BODY COUNTs (Judges winning out), but these shouldn't form the whole basis of comparison, seeing as Judges takes place over a longer period of time compared to Joshua. However, there is a difference: most of the body count in Joshua are war casualties, not acts of crime or wanton violence.
And this, in my opinion, marks the main difference; the Book of Joshua ends with Israel dominant, holding an empire that was eked out by the will of one man (with the aid of the LORD, of course). However, Judges depicts the utter ruin of these achievements, with Israel falling into anarchy and chaos by its end.
The sense of hope and achievement so painstakingly built in Joshua is naught but dust by the next book: though judges may be raised ever so often to save Israel, the people return to their ways of sinning, this vicious cycle turning even worse by the end.
For these reasons, I'm going to award the win to Joshua, and hence the very first point to 6.
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RUNNING TALLY:
SIX 1 : 2 SEVEN
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That's all for today, folks! See you next time on 06/07: The Numbers Game!
HENRY VI of England
HENRY VII of England
